did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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