A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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