fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm at about main and main street
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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