Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize