Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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