i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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