ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize