id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
