Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My Sexting was not on an AP level
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
