I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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