It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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