it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
