just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When are your genitals available?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
