I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
