My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
