ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize