Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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