i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
