At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
