Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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