Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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