I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
