is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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