Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is my gift to your gina
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
