how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
