You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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