He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
