i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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