he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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