Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
