cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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