she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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