His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
