my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
