The maid of honor just puked.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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