Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know her cup size but not her name....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
