i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
