I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
