He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
