The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the condom got lost in my hair
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
