I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
