And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
