member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
