I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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