I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm always down for nudity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
