I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
