Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
