wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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