I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we're making bets on your personal life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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