he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
