Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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