So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
