it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
