your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
