We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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