weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
