Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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