you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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