Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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