Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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