I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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