This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
