So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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