after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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