so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Terrible idea I love it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
