i just wanna soil my oats bro
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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