I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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