We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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