i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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