You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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