I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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