i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
