It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
