Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
