I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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