Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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