Quick, to the slutcave!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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