Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
