i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how drunk are you?
Several
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
