He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
