If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
