Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
