I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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