sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
