I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize