Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
