Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
