I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
