I need help removing her.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
