Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
