At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
