I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize