I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
