i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
