I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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