Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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