I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
God I need to hump something, right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
