When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
